my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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