he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
