I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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