The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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