so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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