Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
