Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
