I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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