hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
