Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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