Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
