Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize