Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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