the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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