I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize