Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
