drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
