Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
