if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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