I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
