Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
