it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
