Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
