Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
