took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
