I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
