go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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