i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
