theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
