Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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