Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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