I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
