Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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