He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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