She is in my trunk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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