My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
