i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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