you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
