so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
