We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
