I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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