Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
