sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
