Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
