when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
