So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
