He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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