If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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