When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
