he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
