There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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