Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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