in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
