Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
