you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
