Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would fuck him just for his dog
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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