I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
