They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
