I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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