Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
