If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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