Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
