She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
