she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just gift wrapped bread.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
