So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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