your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
