'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
