I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
