Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
