went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
