The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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