Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
