So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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